[The intention of this post is to help white people overcome their discomfort, address white supremacy, and develop their journey as an ally. It is written in recognition and in support of the protests against police violence and systemic racism in the States and elsewhere.]
It’s complicated for me. My father was born in Nairobi and was not white, nor black and whilst I have never considered myself as black (obvs), I have not considered myself as wholly white either. I think it made me think of myself as ‘aside’ from racial issues. Idiot.
Also. What is happening right now, is not about me and I don’t want to take anything from the voices that really truly need to be heard right now.
That said, what is happening right now is a moment that we have to actually BE BETTER. As a person who has always worked on professional and personal development, I’ve been on this allyship journey for a little while, and I thought I would share some of my thoughts so that they are helpful to you.
Allyship is a practice, not a label. Continuous actions are attached to it and it will never be ‘done’.
Here’s what I found hard at the beginning of my journey and here’s what I find hard now.
Firstly: It’s the same thing now as it was at the beginning — the feelings of defensiveness and shame (now correctly labelled as White Fragility) that come up when I read about what has happened and still happens to my fellow human beings because of their colour. At the very beginning, it was, ‘I’m a good person and I am not racist’ — I realised very quickly that this innate ‘I’m a good person’ got in the way of progress and once I pushed that aside I realised that is doesn’t matter what part in the journey of allyship you are in, there’s always SO. MUCH. MORE. to do.
Right now, my feelings go to seeing the books and words I’ve read or worked on for the last couple of years and thinking, ‘Oh, I’m ahead of so and so.’ or ‘Does that person even know what they are talking about?’ SHUT UP SALLY! This is again, not about a label but a journey. So I’ve read and worked through Me and White Supremacy? So, what’s next for me to do? Think and then do.
Secondly: I recognise now and as recently as January, that in my path to practising allyship, I would lean on my friends of colour for reassurance that I was getting it right. I absolutely did not appreciate the weight I was adding to their shoulders then (and maybe sometimes now) or if I did, I was selfish about it. It’s embarrassing but then apologising for it directly continues this burden to my friends who might need to feel the need to ‘reassure’ me. So my takeaway? Right now, check in on your friends of colour and give them love — but do not burden them with your concern on something that has been part of their lives, every day, always.
Here are my further two cents on what we can do to practice allyship, like right now. There’s a whole fucktonne of things we can be doing but this is my personal take, based on the research I have carried out. I have definitely missed things out and I might/ am probably wrong about some things but here’s where I suggest you start.
(1) Surround yourself in the art and arts of non-white people.
The heart of this is not ‘diversifying’ yourself. It’s checking in on yourself — is everything you read/ watch/ listen to primarily white? Have you noticed? If you are only seeing work by white people, you are only seeing the white gaze and therefore trick yourself into thinking there isn’t a problem.
For me I started with music and books, because these have always been my passions. (p.s I feel very defensive about ‘started’ because I feel I’ve naturally and always had an extreme variety in the books, films and music I enjoy. However, when I did a review a few years back, I realised it was still predominantly white — so started it is!)
3 fiction books by black writers that mean a lot to me:
- Homegoing — Yaa Gyasi
- Noughts and Crosses — Malorie Blackman
- Kindred — Octavia E Butler (This came out the year I was born people!)
Bonus — Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams
3 black artists that are the heart and soul of everything I listen to:
- Janelle Monae
- Erykah Badu
- Beyonce — yes, Beyonce
Bonus — Jidenna (in particular his 85 to Africa Album)
(2) Educate yourself.
Three books to educate yourself on your white privilege — no apologies for them being the same that everyone is talking about!
- Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People about Race — Reni Eddo-Lodge — The FUCKING British SOLD the slaves to Americans. Get off our high horses.
- Another Day in the Death of America — Gary Younge
- Me and White Supremacy — Layla F Saad — BUT NOT TO PUT ON YOUR BOOKSHELF — DO THE WORK!
(3) Get inspo from other people.
- Sounds corny but I always look up and research the Michelle and Barack Obama reading and listening lists — um, they know their shit!
- Swap the enjoyment of your books with other allylike friends and get their top tips too. Miriam Attwood and I swap books all the time and it’s 🔥
- Find people you truly respect on these matters and follow them. If it’s online, you don’t need to tell them, converse with them, amen with them. It’s about you doing the work and learning (unlearning). When THOSE respected people (with their lived experience) share a list of things to do, read, donate — this is the real list. Bookmark it, come back to it. Do it. (My example here is that Layla F Saad published a booklist in the Guardian this week, I bought all the books on it I didn’t have, BTW that was all of them.)
(4) Give Your Money.
I know that a lot of us in the UK are worried about our income in the future. However, to my white, aspiring middle class, friends — um we used to buy flat whites every day, I think we can afford £50 a month for a few months to support this movement and movements. I will admit, I have not done all the research here on where is best to send actual money. I have done two immediate things — I gave money to The Bail Project here (my cousin Simon helped with this) and I signed up to a regular donation to Rachel Cargle, who produces work for people like me to continue our practice and challenge others. My cousin has suggested in the UK you could donate to either Black Lives Matter UK and/or the Coalition for Racial Equality and Rights. If I see something else that I find significant, then I will share.
What’s next?
As an ongoing part of my own journey, here are the next steps I’m thinking about for myself.
- My husband, Rich and I are going to go through the book Me and White Supremacy together and talk through our discomfort and what actions we can do as a couple
- I am going to point out and stand up to overt and covert racism rather than note it to moan about with people who agree with me
- I will keep putting pressure on my politicians so that they know these things fucking matter
- I am going to read Audre Lorde — I HAVE ALWAYS had books by her on my list and now is the time
What I can do for you (as a fellow white person):
- I have more fiction books by non-white artists that I would heartily recommend — if you want to know more, please get in touch.
- If you’re new to this journey and are filled with doubt and shame (I hear you!) — I am here. If you are doing the work, I will happily take time out of my day to message, chat about what you’re learning.
What YOU (as a fellow white person) can do for me:
- Tell me what you think of this — am I missing something for you? (ideally privately, I’m still a fragile white person lol)
- Tell me what you’re going to do to get better, what’s your ‘going to do’ list?
- I love reading! Tell me great works of fiction you’ve read by non-white people
- Tell me about where you’re sending your money
If you’re white and this feels weird or awkward, ask yourself why and really look into it. We’ve taught ourselves to push away that discomfort and that is at the detriment of non-white people. It really is time that we search inside ourselves and begin to dismantle white supremacy.
(There’s way more, obviously, but I’m going to stop at my own (current) human knowledge for now.)
#BLACKLIVESMATTER — let’s all be on the right side of history together.
